Keep away-
your idea of "love"-
I've had my share-
I want no part-
in this game-
you play-
with other little-
boys-
So keep,
keep away!
Keep your heart-
to yourself.
Keep away- your idea of "love"- I've had my share- I want no part- in this game- you play- with other little- boys- So keep, keep away! Keep your heart- to yourself. |
Author's Comments
A new style of writing for me. What do you think?
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Comments
"Keep your heart-
to yourself."
sounds to me that the word heart is said sardonically as if it's a curse instead of a gift.
Nice.
--
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." -- Juan Ramón Jiménez
--
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
[link]
--
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." -- Juan Ramón Jiménez
--
I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
I discovered a while back how good repitition(sp?) sounds IF used right. Hopefully it was used right in this case...
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
[link]
I generally go on a gallery raid for any writers that I meet (and like), I leave about 3-4 comments, and then watch them...generally. You know, do unto others... xD
--
I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
--
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
[link]
I thought that was the idea you were going for, how the narrator says that they don't want to be a part of the game but in doing so they're playing a game themselves...
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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
As for the playing the children's game... The "narrator" has quit that...
--
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
[link]
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